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The definition of generosity is the quality of being kind and generous.This developmental need and social value is directly linked to a deep sense of being needed and valuable, together with a desire to contribute positively to the lives of those with whom you come into contact every day.Generosity can also be referred to as pro social behaviour – those actions that tend to benefit other people without the prospect of an external personal benefit. (Roche et al.)Every child, youth and family needs a deep sense of generosity appropriate to their age and capacity.But before we can focus on the how and what of being generous we have to look at the Circle of Courage. Brendtro, Bokenleg and Van Bockern’s Circle of Courage model indicates belonging, mastery, independence and generosity as the four values or needs for self esteem and according to this model the 4 areas are related and influence each other. Belonging and generosity have a direct influence on each other and therefore I would like to focus first on belonging before we move on to generosity. BELONGING: This developmental need has to do with a deep sense of relationship or attachment with other human beings and is reflected in a sense of relatedness, of care, of love, of community, of Ubuntu, of respect for each other and for nature.The first level of attachment is within a family. A child needs to feel connected and loved within a family. Small things like sibling rivalry can influence a child’s sense of belonging. It is important that you connect with your child on a daily basis and makes sure he feels the attachment.The second level of attachment is within a group or with his peers. Children can very easily feel excluded especially with a lot of bullying going on in schools. Help your child to have friends and encourage healthy relationships between him and his peers. Even if it is a small child, they must learn to play together and share.The rest of the levels are: to belong to a group such as religion, culture or ethnicity and the last one is to fit in with society.The role that belonging plays when we focus on generosity can not be emphasised enough. Do simple things everyday that makes your child feel loved and appreciated. I’ve learned that girls open up to you when you spend enough time with them and boys start to share when you feed them. Don’t interrogate them but be available for them. I’ve learned that eye contact and communication are vital for your child’s developmental needs.As soon as a sense of belonging is established a person can start to give something of him/herself. GENEROSITY: What a wonderful priviledge to be in a position to be able to give to others and what a privilidge to teach that to our children – big and small.When we look at generosity there are SO many things we can do or be, Roche et al (1996) says that there are 10 different categories of pro social behaviour and all of that count as being generous. You, as a family have to decide how involved you are prepared to be.The first thing that I would recommend is to start small. Usually when we work with disadvantaged children that did not form close attachments, we start generosity by giving them a plant to look after. When they water and care for the plant they feel a sense of achievement. After a while the child can be given a pet to care for. A pet can make the world of difference to children. I worked with a young boy whose mother died and he had a terrible time grieving. One day a stray dog came to there house and for the first time he could start to grief for his mother. After only a couple of weeks he made 10 times more progress than he did in the previous months.Another important aspect is communication. Through communication children (well all people) become aware. When you drive around and you see a homeless person somewhere – start a conversation with your children and start making them aware of the need in your town and in the country and then in the world. If you watch the news or you hear about Angelina Jolie adopting another baby – start a conversation with your children and talk about what they see as being generous and how involved they want to be. This is a wonderful opportunity to get them involved without pushing them into something they are not ready for. It is also an opportunity for you to steer them. If your children is still small, keep the conversation simple – you will know what level they are prepared for.The next wonderful tool helped my own family with the process of getting involved with people in need. We regularly (once a year) have a family meeting or a family group conference or whatever you would like to call it. At this meeting we discuss our goals and rules for the year but we also write our story. In the first column we write the chapters of our year (or the time that you decide). For instance, in one year we lost our house. The heading of the chaper was: Lost Laing street house. In the second column we wrote (or rather the kids draw pictures because they were to small to write) what it meant for everyone to lose the house. In the last colums we wrote how it affected our bigger family circle and the community of support we found ourselves in.The reason for writing our story is in the first place te become aware of everything that we are thankful for and secondly to realise what we were prepared for to become involved in other peoples lives. Another way your family can get involved in your own community is to build a relationship with an elderly person. Just start with one person and start by visiting this person once a week. Ask her if she needs anything and next time when you visit you can take something with. Next week when you go to visit you can ask her if you can do the shopping for her. Help her paint the kitchen and let the children help. In a couple of […]

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Bostaande is maar een van duisende soortgelyke boodskappe wat daagliks deur boelies aan ander gestuur word. Die kuberboelie-sindroom is buite beheer en jongmense wat nie die druk kan hanteer nie, se lewens word verwoes. Baie het al selfmoord gepleeg. Om hierdie redes is dit dringend noodsaaklik om  na die volgende op te let: Tekens dat jou kind geboelie word: Geskeurde klere Vermindering in eetlus Wil nie skool bywoon nie Buierigheid Onverklaarbare beserings As slagoffer: Meld onmiddellik enige boelie-gedrag aan teenoor ‘n volwassene wat jy vertrou Dit mag nooit net geignoreer word nie want dit sal net erger word en jy versterk so die gedrag van die boelie Probeer die boelie vermy totdat daar aandag aan die saak gegee is Probeer verstaan dat boelies oor die algemeen baie probleme van hul eie het en meestal met ‘n swak selfbeeld sukkel. Dit is dan maklik om dit op ander uit te haal Optrede: By die skool: Elke skool moet ‘n plan van optrede hê teen boelies. Dit moet onmiddellik en daadwerklik stopgesit word. Ouers moet seker maak dat hul kind se skool so ‘n plan in plek het. In die daaglikse lewe: Wanneer jou kind (of selfs jy) geboelie word: Hou alle bewyse Probeer eers skik met die ouers van die boelies Indien dit nie help nie, lê ‘n klag by die polisie. Afhangende van die graad van boelie, kan selfs die “Protection from Harrassment Act 17 of 2011” gebruik word Privaatspeurders kan van hulp wees Gaan kyk op cellphonesafety.co.za vir baie goeie raad Voorkoming: Dit begin van jongs af wanneer kinders begin om op die internet te werk. Hulle moet die regte internetgedrag geleer word en ook gewys word op die gevare. Boodskap aan die boelies: Om te boelie dui daarop dat jy probleme het wat jou ernstig gaan knou in die toekoms want daar gaan nie altyd iemand wees om te verkleineer sodat jy kan beter voel nie. Dink aan die redes hoekom jy boelie en vra vir hulp. Dit is nooit te laat nie.

This project aims to inform policy on violence prevention and aggression, and will improve the lives of children. It will also offer new insights to the World Health Organisation’s Parenting for Lifelong Health project that promotes evidence-based parenting programmes in developing countries.The Touwsranten project is part of a broader effort by the ISS and UCT to address crime and violence through parenting support programmes that the state can implement nationally. In 2014, their efforts contributed to parenting support being included as a policy priority for the Western Cape provincial government. The ISS and UCT also helped the provincial government to develop a high-level implementation strategy and budget for parenting support across the province.‘The safety and happiness of many South African children is undermined by violence in their homes and communities. We believe parents can develop positive, non-violent skills to help them keep their children safe in and outside of the home’, says Chandré Gould, senior research fellow at the ISS.The project involves a variety of activities, from establishing a community-based ‘brand’ of positive parenting, to delivering evidence-based positive parenting programmes. If the approach is shown to be effective, the project will offer a model for similar projects in other communities in future.

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